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How to Deal With Mean People
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 Barton Goldsmith - Scripps Howard News Service
On several occasions my desire to see the good in people has blinded me to the arguably brutal negativity that some misdirected souls feel entitled to inflict on others. Perhaps the greatest betrayal is when someone we trust is mean to us.
Some people use meanness to get their way. Sometimes it's a pouty mean, the kind we use when we are children to give a voice to our powerlessness. At other times meanness can be an equalizer, giving someone the perception that they can protect themselves from an emotional terrorist.
People who try to vanquish negativity in this manner usually are overmatched. It's also hard to keep mean energy inside you if you are not really a mean person. And yes, unfortunately, truly mean people do exist.
Some overtly aggressive humans act out in ways they sense will make their victims cower.
Most normal people who are being treated this way will submit to almost anything to get rid of the pain and anxiety. Mean people also enjoy the feeling of power that their behavior gives them. For them, being mean is an addiction, and the meanness becomes something they try to keep burning inside themselves. They must be unaware of how this type of personality will eventually destroy their relationships and any love that might come their way.
It seems there is more meanness today than before. I witness rudeness to service people who are doing their jobs with a smile, teenagers insulting each other as though it were an art form, and separated couples trying fruitlessly to seek revenge through the courts and their children.
Everyone wants to win, and most who get into this pattern will stop at nothing. When this happens, everyone ends up losing.
If you have to deal with a mean person on a regular basis, here are three things you can do:
-- Get support. Telling someone what you are going through will help give you a place to put your pain and perhaps give you some perspective. Whether this is a one-time event or an ongoing tragedy, the benefit of sharing your feelings will help to heal them.
-- Realize you have a choice. If you've been brought up around mean people, being around someone who understands and is sensitive can be an eye-opener. Not everyone behaves in a toxic manner. Choose to associate with people who are kind.
-- Get out of the way. Most people leave their jobs because they don't get along with their bosses. It's OK to leave or to end something if you are being abused. This goes for personal as well as professional relationships.
I don't think I've ever seen someone respond positively to meanness. It's a poor tactic and never works in the end. If you are mean, give it up.
Like the song says, "Mean people suck." |
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